


Because I Had You (Mini Series) - Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

by Chantelle_x0x



Series: Because I had You [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, F/M, Fluff, Marvel Universe, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, marvel fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 06:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17218616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chantelle_x0x/pseuds/Chantelle_x0x
Summary: You knew Steve before he took the serum, and fell in love with him. Everything falls apart once he meets Peggy Carter though, but can things be fixed or are they broken forever?





	1. Because I Had You - Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

**Author's Note:**

> This mini series was based off of the song 'Because I Had You' by Shawn Mendes. The song doesn't really come into the picture until the third and final part. I created this for @flatbottomholland's 14k Writing Challenge (Tumblr).  
> (Y/N - Your Name)  
> (Y/L/N - Your Last Name)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky goes off to join the army so naturally Steve is upset and you know just how to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This mini series was based off of the song 'Because I Had You' by Shawn Mendes. The song doesn't really come into the picture until the third and final part. I created this for @flatbottomholland's 14k Writing Challenge (Tumblr).

[Because I Had You Aesthetics](https://chantelle-x0x.tumblr.com/post/181535337012/because-i-had-you-aesthetics)

* * *

 

You always found it hard to make friends, so when you met Steve and he wanted to befriend you because you had so much in common, you were so elated! You and him got along so well that he quickly became your best friend. He introduced you to  _his_ best friend James who everyone apparently called ‘Bucky’. When Bucky got accepted to join the army, you could see the pain that went through Steve. Bucky was always there for him, and knowing Steve, now he’d get into even more fights.

‘You look after him for me alright doll?’ Bucky suggested smiling and hugging you.

‘I  _can_ look after myself you know?’ Steve said with a sad smile.

‘Always.’ You whispered into Bucky’s ear with a small smile. After the embrace ended, you left Bucky and Steve for a few moments to themselves. It pained you to see Steve look so sad and upset. He was happy for his best friend, no doubt about that, but he himself had been trying to get into the army too and he was always the reject. After Bucky left, you hugged Steve tightly. Although he was short, you were shorter and in some ways, you knew that comforted him. It sure comforted you when you knew he could relax into your smaller figure, just this time, he couldn’t relax.

‘Let’s go home Steve.’ You said softly pulling on his thin arm. You went back to his place and you made a soup with what you could pick up on the way. You sat next to each other on the floor and it was  _way_  too quiet for the two of you. ‘I get that it hurts Steve, but Bucky didn’t make who you’ve become. You are who you are because of yourself, Bucky just helped you along the way so you could become the amazing person you are.’ You were so sincere with your words of comfort.

‘It’s just not the same without him Y/N.’ You put your bowl down and made Steve look you in the eyes.

‘Maybe it’s not, but that doesn’t mean we have to dwell on that fact!’ You took the bowl out of his hands and pulled him up, stumbling back as you did so. You both chuckled. ‘Put on your best clothes for fun Stevie and then meet me outside your apartment complex in 20 minutes!’ You said running out of his place.

20 minutes had passed and you were met by Steve on the curb. You had on a beautiful red and pink dress with black shoes. Your hair was done in pin up curls. Steve looked as handsome as ever. ‘Wow. You look gorgeous.’ He mumbled. You were thankful for the darkness surrounding you for you felt your cheeks heat up.

‘You clean up well too Steve.’ You said smiling. ‘Now follow me!’ You grabbed his hand and dragged him with you to this bar. It had a dance floor and a bar. Live music travelled through the place. It was a happy place that could make you forget the worst of your thoughts when with the right people. The only thing was, you had never taken anyone with you. You always went alone and had a one-night chat with a random person that you’d never see again.

‘This place is amazing.’ Steve said in awe. You smiled before he turned to you, your hand still in his grasp. ‘Do you come here often?’ He asked you.

‘Occasionally.’ You replied.

‘You have wonderful taste in places.’ He said. You let out a breathy laugh and thanked him.

‘Let’s get a drink.’ You said smiling. After a couple of drinks each, you both agreed you’d not drink anymore so you asked if he wanted to dance.

‘I don’t dance.’ He replied.

‘C’mon Stevie! One dance!’ You begged.

‘I  _can’t_  dance Y/N.’ You laughed and dragged him out on the dance floor.

‘Well, whether you like it or not, you’re dancing with me tonight!’ You laughed. Soon, he got the hang of things and was spinning you across the dance floor. You would shriek and giggle. The night was amazing and you both left the place so bubbly.

‘Thank you for that Y/N. I haven’t had that much fun for a while.’

‘You’re welcome. And we’re so going down in history together, even if you don’t make it into the army.’ You smiled. He walked you home and you kissed him on the cheek. He thought nothing much of it, but you thought everything of it.

* * *

 

The next day, Steve knocked on your door in the morning. You opened it with a smile and you both took a seat on the couch. ‘I went and enrolled for the army again.’ Steve said smiling a little.

‘Did they accept you?’ You inquired.

‘They asked me to come back tomorrow for the answer. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a no.’ You shook your head at Steve’s negativity.

‘No, I think they’ll accept you this time. If they didn’t plan on it, they wouldn’t have asked you back tomorrow.’

‘I’m just a scrawny Brooklyn boy Y/N, with dreams too big for him to achieve.  _Unachievable dreams.’_

‘Stop it would you!?’ You shouted, clearly annoyed. ‘Stop putting yourself down like that Steve. I have faith in you, so much _belief_! When will you start having it in yourself?’ You huffed.

‘You really think that about me?’ Steve asked.

‘Of course Steve! You are more than capable of so much! You just need to believe that you’ll make it into the army and not give up when it fails. Just keep trying and if not for yourself, for me, for Bucky, for your mother.’ You could see the strength in Steve start to form and it made you smile.

‘Thank you.’ He said hugging you tightly.

You and Steve spent majority of the day together, but he had to leave and do some things so you wished him goodbye and closed the door behind him a sad smile appearing on your face.

 

 

* * *

 

The day after, you went with Steve to find out his answer. You held his hand and gave it a small squeeze when he was called over. ‘You’re gonna get in Steve.’ You whispered. He smiled in response and whispered back,

‘I sure hope so.’

‘Mr Rogers, we have come to a conclusion.’ You bite your lip and pray that the answer is yes. ‘You’ve been accepted, however first, you’ll have to participate in a camp-like thing. Are you ready?’ Steve released a breath and smile.

‘When do I leave?’ He asked the man.

‘Tomorrow.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I do not own any of the characters except the Reader**
> 
> All of my fics will also be posted and have been posted on Tumblr at my blog: chantelle-x0x. You don't have to follow it but I just thought I'd add that in here.
> 
> Subscribe to be notified when I post new fics, and thanks for reading x


	2. Because I Had You - Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve leaves, but then he comes back on his tour, however things have changed between the two of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part/chapter has a little angst ♡  
> (Y/N - Your Name)  
> (Y/L/N - Your Last Name)

[Because I Had You Aesthetics ](https://chantelle-x0x.tumblr.com/post/181535337012/because-i-had-you-aesthetics)

* * *

 

You and Steve had to say goodbye, and at first you were so happy for him but now, not so much. Call it selfish, but you were losing both your best friends; some of the only people that actually cared about you. But more than that, you weren’t going to see the love of your life for so long. You loved him and it was clear to Bucky, just not Steve.

‘Got everything?’ You asked just before he left. He nodded,

‘Yeah. I can’t believe this is actually happening!’ He said with a big smile. You quickly pulled him into a tight hug and buried your face in the crook of his neck afraid that the tears would fall in front of him. You just hadn’t noticed the tears that had slipped down your cheeks and onto Steve. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ He asked you brushing a hand through your hair.

‘I’m losing Bucky  _and_ you Steve. I’m happy for you, but it’s hard.’ You saw tears form in his eyes too.

‘You’re not losing me doll, I’ll be back.’ He reassured you. He rarely ever called you ‘doll’ so it warmed your heart that he chose to use it now. You pulled away from him wiping your cheeks. ‘C’mon Y/N, please don’t cry. Smile! Let your smile be the last thing I see before I leave.’ You let out a teary laugh. ‘There’s the smile I love!’ He says smiling back at you.

‘Okay, you have to go! You’re going to do amazing Steve! Make this country proud!’ You pump a fist in the air for added effect causing the both of you to laugh. ‘Also, I want to give you this, so you can remember me even when you’re gone and I can’t physically be with you.’ You took off the locket you always wore around your neck and handed it to him.

‘Y/N, I can’t take this. It was the last thing your mother gave you before she passed.’ You shrugged.

‘She gave it to me so I could remember her, now I want to give it to you so you can remember me. Just, don’t wear it.’ You chuckled. He smiled gratefully and opened it. Inside held two small photographs. One of you, Bucky and Steve the first time you went to the carnival together and the other of just you and Steve hugging. Bucky took that one day when you all went for a picnic. Bucky brought along one of the girls he had picked up at the bar the night before, so you basically only talked to Steve that day.

‘Thank you so much Y/N.’

‘Steven Grant Rogers?’ A man called out.

‘I’ve gotta go. Bye Y/N.’ He hugged you once more before rushing away.

‘I love you.’ You whispered.

Some time passed before you ever thought you’d see Steve again, but you had learnt that  _the_  Captain America would be making his way to Brooklyn, so you had to go. You and Steve barley kept in touch anymore. When he first left, you sent letters to each other as often as you could, but as time went on, you just stopped.  _He_ just stopped. He did say that he was now Captain America, so that could’ve been the reason. When you found out Captain America was going to be in Brooklyn, it was now time to see Steve again.

You were in the crowd during the performance and you’d be lying if didn’t say you thought Steve wasn’t going to remember you given you were from such a long time ago, but Steve wasn’t like that so you refused to believe he would forget about you. He saw you though. He saw you in the crowd and when your eyes locked, you couldn’t help but smile at knowing that he was safe. A small smile lit up the corners of his mouth. After the show, the questions were asked and they all received answers. But then there was this little girl that was waving her hand in the air. Steve couldn’t help himself with one last question that now belonged to her.

‘What’s your name doll?’ He asked her and she squealed in excitement.

‘My name is Alicia.’ She replied with a stunning grin.

‘That’s a beautiful name. Now what’s your question Alicia?’ Steve asked so gently and sweetly.

‘Do you have someone special in your life? Like my mommy has my daddy.’ She was so innocent and sweet. It warmed your heart.

‘Ah, well, maybe. I haven’t really figured it out just yet. Thank you for the question Alicia.’ He was blushing so hard and he rubbed the back of his neck with slight embarrassment.

After everyone had left, you were still there. ‘You’re still here!’ Steve called from behind you making you jump a little.

‘Steve!’ You called back jumping into his arms after a startup run.

‘How have you been?’ He asked you while putting you down.

‘I’ve been fine. I’d ask you but you look like you’ve had it just fine as well.’ You smirked looking him up and down. ‘C’mon Stevie, do a twirl for me.’ He obliged and you both laughed. ‘Damn Rogers, you really are looking fine.’ A slight blush crossed his perfect features.

‘Thanks Y/N.’

‘How’s Buck?’ You ask Steve.

‘He’s doing alright.’ Steve took off the helmet like thing and held it in his hand. You guided him to the stage and sat down on the edge, your legs dangling from the side.

‘And how are you Steve?’ He looked at you and you saw the tiredness in his eyes.

‘Exhausted. I mean sure, the serum made me become this person, but I can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve it sometimes.’ He shrugged and looked out into the night sky.

‘You do.’ You say quietly, also looking into the sky full of stars.

‘I do what?’ He asks.

‘You deserve it. All of it.’ You turned to face him and smiled at him tenderly. After all this time, your feelings for him never died down. You still loved him, but did he love you? That was the question on your mind at the moment. But just like that, your question was answered. A woman walked out into the night smiling in relief as she saw Steve.

‘Steve. We have to leave early tomorrow, you should get some rest.’ She said smiling. She then noticed you and held her hand out for you to take. ‘I’m Peggy Carter.’ You shook her hand with a small smile and replied,

‘I’m y/n y/l/n.’ Steve got up and smiled at you.

‘It was really great to see you again Y/N, but you heard Peggy, I’ve gotta go.’ You nodded and jumped off the stage.

‘It was really nice to see you too.’ Your voice was quiet. You felt even smaller than you had ever felt before. You hugged Steve tightly, but he was really hesitant now. And for the second time now, you watched the one person you love, leave again. No goodbye this time. Just a ‘nice to see you’, like you were just a friend once, not a best friend like you were, just a friend.

It then clicked in your head as to why Steve suddenly became hesitant. Peggy Carter was a beautiful woman. She was strong and independent, and she did meet Steve when he was a scrawny guy. She technically helped him become the person he is now, and Steve would be forever grateful, and the saddest part was, you knew the look he gave Peggy was a look of love. How? Because you look at Steve the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I do not own any of the characters except the Reader**
> 
> All of my fics will also be posted and have been posted on Tumblr at my blog: chantelle-x0x. You don't have to follow it but I just thought I'd add that in here.
> 
> Subscribe to be notified when I post new fics, and thanks for reading x


	3. Because I Had You - Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You decide to confront Steve about the distance, but that may have been the wrong move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last instalment of this mini series. I hope you've enjoyed the journey with Steve and Reader! Prepare for angst lovelies x  
> (Y/N - Your Name)  
> (Y/L/N - Your Last Name)

[Because I Had You Aesthetics](https://chantelle-x0x.tumblr.com/post/181535337012/because-i-had-you-aesthetics)

* * *

 

You went to bed that night with a really hurt feeling. Steve moved on, well technically you were never together so it wasn’t as if he really had moved on, it just really hurt you. You were in bed and thinking about the biggest regret you held; getting Steve to leave. Getting Steve to pursue his dream. It was such a selfish regret, but you wanted him and only him. You thought you knew what you wanted for Steve, for him to be happy because that’s what made you happy, and now he was happy however, it wasn’t making you happy. He was being distant and it hurt so much. Almost like he took out your heart and ripped it apart with his new found super strength.

Peggy Carter was a fabulous woman. Apparently people knew who she was. She was a strong and independent person. She was driven and smart, so intelligent is was beyond your belief. Above all else though, the thoughts that spun in your head formed round the fact that she was everything you weren’t. Tall, amazing posture, hair that had not one strand out of place. She was just all out stunning. She didn’t even have to try. Steve saw it all too, that’s why he was in love with her. It was clear he was happy with her around and maybe he just didn’t need you there anymore.

You finally managed to find sleep even with all the racing thoughts in your head. You got out of the house earlier than you usually do, but it was to see Steve off. To move on, you needed to say goodbye. It wasn’t only a physical goodbye that you needed, but an emotional one. You needed to say goodbye to all the pent up emotions and feelings. Things he should never know about. Moving on meant taking risks, which wasn’t your forte but it was worth it if it meant giving Steve the life he deserved.

You arrived at the station since you heard that they’d be taking a train to the next stop, thanking your lucky stars, Steve was there, alone. ‘Hey.’ You said cooly. Steve smiled at you and walked over to meet you in the middle.

‘What are you doing here?’ He asked wrapping you in a hug. If only he knew what that hug meant for you.

You pulled away from the hug and looked him in the eyes, you were cursing the tears that had already started to form. ‘I came to say goodbye.’ The crack in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by Steve. You pulled you by the arm to sit on the seat next to him in the station.

‘Y/N, you know this isn’t goodbye right? I’ll be back and so will Buck.’ He smiled at the thought. Your heart swelled at the thought of it being like old times. ‘Maybe Peggy can join us. Of course only if she wanted to.’ And your heart cracked.

‘Yeah, of course. I must ask, does Bucky even ask about me?’ You wanted to change that subject to  _anything_  else.

‘Yeah! I mean, not lately since we stopped the whole sending letters thing, but when we were doing it, every time I got one he asked how you were doing without us.’ You both chuckled. Bucky may have been Steve’s best friend, but you’d be damned if he didn’t care just as much about you. This is how it was before Peggy. You could talk without hesitation, and it just rolled. Words rolled from your tongue and it was just easy. Unfortunately, just as things turned slightly normal, the woman herself came out onto the platform.

‘The train is delayed. We’ll be here for at least another hour.’ She said with a slight annoyance to her tone.

‘Do they know why?’ Steve asked standing up to be next to her.

‘Repairs.’ She huffed. ‘I’m going to see if I can find another station close by that has a different train running. Can’t have Captain America late to a show.’ She teased with a smirk before leaving.

‘Steve?’ You spoke softly and he turned around with a blush to his cheeks. You really needed to get this out. ‘We need to talk.’ Your tone never went louder, it stayed levelled and quiet. Steve sat next to you and you breathed out a shaky breath. ‘I, I um, I have no idea how to start.’ You laughed a breathy laugh.

‘You can me anything doll.’ He said it with such a beauty to his voice. He was so sincere. This was so much harder than you anticipated.

‘Since you’ve met Peggy, things have changed between us. You’re more distant and I don’t know, I guess it hurts.’ Steve’s eyes never left yours, but the glint he had did fade.

‘What are you saying Y/N?’ Steve asked a little taken back.

‘I’m just saying that maybe you being around Peggy has changed you.’ You suggest, but Steve wasn’t having it. He stood up as fast as a snap of your fingers.

‘Seriously Y/N? I’m finally happy, and you can’t bear to see that?’ He scoffed and continued before you could say anything. ‘That is such a selfish thing to say.’ He snapped.

‘I’m happy for you Steve, but is it such a bad thing that I don’t want things to change?’ Tears began to blur your vision.

‘Not bad, just selfish.’ He shook his head then his eyes locked to yours once more. ‘I think this is where the ‘goodbye’ happens.’ His voice was warm, but it now had a saddened and cold undertone. You nod before picking up your bag.

‘Goodbye Steve.’ You walked away before he could say anything. He was mad and hurt. After having about 20 minutes of time to calm down, you realised that the way you said goodbye wasn’t how you wanted to leave Steve. You raced back to the station and asked the man there when the train left. He said that it was now boarding so you ran to the platform. The train was gone though. So was Steve. There was one thing left though. Sitting on the bench was the locket. Your heart stung deeply and tears flowed freely down your flushed cheeks. After what seemed forever, you left.

You went to the bar, you sat and ordered a heavy drink, and let a guy sit next to you. By this point, all your morals were washed away. He flirted with you but you didn’t tell him to back off. You ended the night leaving the place with this man in tow. It wasn’t your nature, and he wasn’t the man you ever thought you’d do something intimate with. He was not Steven Grant Rogers. But maybe that was a good thing. You’d just never be able to love anyone, so was there a point in even seeking love anymore? You did do one thing right that night though, you left the locket in the bar. It was important but had too many memories. Steve didn’t want you in any shape or form. Not only did you lose the person you loved that day, but also a much needed friend.

* * *

**Steve POV (Earlier/after fight)**

He regretted everything. It had been about 15 minutes and the train had reached the platform. Steve sat in a seat, slouched posture and his head was held in his hands. In his anger, Steve put the locket, the only piece left of you on the bench so he could completely leave you behind. He was furious at your accusations, but now sitting here, he realised that maybe you were right, maybe he was letting you go. But he didn’t want that ever. You were so much to him. Peggy sat next to him, keeping a professional distance. Steve was about to stand up and get that locket, but the train started moving. He cursed himself for even acting on his anger.

‘She’ll be here when you get back Steve.’ Peggy smiled softly. You weren’t who Steve wanted, Peggy was. You were just, a very important person in his life. You never dared turn your back on him, in fact, you were there for him in his hardest times, but he decided to turn his back on you when life got hard.

* * *

No one would make either of your lives like they were before and you both had the same last thought about each other,  **“Because I had you.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I do not own any of the characters except the Reader**
> 
> All of my fics will also be posted and have been posted on Tumblr at my blog: chantelle-x0x. You don't have to follow it but I just thought I'd add that in here.
> 
> Subscribe to be notified when I post new fics, and thanks for reading x

**Author's Note:**

> **I do not own any of the characters except the Reader**
> 
> All of my fics will also be posted and have been posted on Tumblr at my blog: chantelle-x0x. You don't have to follow it but I just thought I'd add that in here.
> 
> Subscribe to be notified when I post new fics, and thanks for reading x


End file.
